


Secret Life (UNFINISHED)

by solidsnakessolidcakes, themodernmerlin



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Crossdressing, Eli makes one hell of a woman, Eli was a drag queen, Hal is a whiny bitch, M/M, We know this thanks to our lord and savior Cam Clarke, but Eli's not gonna put up with it, nah he's just anxious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-12-25 20:19:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solidsnakessolidcakes/pseuds/solidsnakessolidcakes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themodernmerlin/pseuds/themodernmerlin
Summary: Not many people knew what Eli did in the 90s. Sure, they all knew he joined the air force and later was rescued by the US, but what he did in his free time was certainly a grey area. Even to Mantis. But turns out some hobbies can be rather useful.





	Secret Life (UNFINISHED)

**Author's Note:**

> No one can stop me from making drag queen Eli. Cam Clarke has spoken, and therefore it shall happen.

Even Mantis didn't know exactly what Eli did in the ninety's. That was the period where they had been separated, and since Eli had been rather touchy about Mantis reading his past, he just had to rely on what the blond said. Turns out that he hadn't given him the _full_ truth.

Currently Mantis, Eli, Hal, and David were sitting at a circular table, discussing their latest mission. After they crawled out of Shadow Moses alive they had somehow managed to find themselves with the likes of Philanthropy, with Eli's brother and brother-in-law.

The new mission they were discussing was a mission to infiltrate some kind of party. Everyone was required to bring their wife, and the host was... Well, his beliefs definitely didn't line up with... Philanthropy's personal relationships.

Yeah, the guy was homophobic.

"We don't have any female members, and we definitely don't have friends willing to fake it," Dave pointed out, glaring down at the packet printed out in the middle of the table.

"Mantis, do you think W--"

"No. No she would not," Mantis cut him off before he could even finish.

"Damn, we really are fucked," Eli muttered, resting his chin on his hand and pouting. He knew it made him look childish but at this point he was too tired to care at all.

"Really? No one has any ideas? This one is kinda big, guys," Hal pointed out, shifting in his seat.

"Yeah, yeah, we know, Emmerich," Eli snapped, leaning back in his chair. He earned a sharp glare from his brother, but he was distracted.

"I got it!" I sat up, smiling brightly. Man, he never realized that would come in handy.

"Really?" Hal looked surprised, and Mantis was looking at him with a mix of horror and confusion.

"I did drag back in the ninety's," He said, as if that answered all the questions. In reality, it only rose more.

"What do you mean?" Dave asked, but he was promptly ignored.

"So, when should we go? This party is tomorrow, right? Great, Emmerich, you and I are gonna spend some quality time dressing up."

* * *

He wasn't kidding. As soon as it hit one pm, he dragged (literally, dragged) Hal into the bathroom.

"Alright, pick a female name, preferably something similar to your current name so you'll respond to it, or maybe a nickname people called you that's feminine, and no, I don't care that Hal is technically gender neutral," Eli said, already going through the massive grocery bag he had brought home.

"Uh... I-I don't know, I haven't really..." Hal stuttered, watching as Eli pulled out a bottle of concealer.

"Hannah, then. Get used to it, you'll need to respond to it without fail," He said, looking at Hal for a few seconds before starting again, "I'm assuming you won't let me wax your face?"

"No!" Hal nearly jumped away, his hands twitching as if trying to protect his feeble stubble.

"Damn, not even shave? Alright, whatever," He started applying the rather cool makeup, paying extra attention to Hal's chin area. He had to cover up the stubble somehow, right?

 He worked for... quite a long time, really. Not only did he need to cover up everything masculine (basically just his feeble stubble) but he also had to try and make it look natural, along with applying make-up a fancy trophy wife would have.

Hal was just glad he had already hacked into the host's account to add them to the list.

"Do I really need so much makeup?" Hal asked, once he was sure he could speak again.

"Yes. You need to cover up that pathetic excuse for stubble that you refuse to shave. Why don't you just wax it? It lasts longer and looks better... whatever, you look better than your dad did," Eli said dismissively, looking over Hal as if to make sure he got everything, "And plus, that's not even that much makeup."

He then dug into his other bag, pulling out a bra. Hal flushed.

"Oh come on, it's just a bra. It doesn't even belong to anyone but you, fucking child," Eli scolded, rolling his eyes.

When he finally finished dressing Hal up (with a lot of Hal asking why anything was necessary) he started to fix up the other man's makeup, making sure nothing was too smeared up.

"Why do I even need to go? I'm better at running support," Hal complained, looking at his "new" face in the mirror.

"Because David and I are the ones who need to be there and we have the same exact face, and if we are right next to each other that's far too noticeable, and also I am  _not_ pretending to be my twin brother's wife, especially when I'm the one who's taller!" Eli explained rather irritably.

Hal nodded a little, looking down at the contacts Eli had given him.

"These are necessary? Can't I just wear my glasses?"

"I'm going with contacts too, live with it."

"You wear glasses?"

"We're not having this conversation," Eli snapped, starting on his own makeup. Hal noticed that he was far faster at that.

"It's already six, we have to leave at seven," Hal pointed out, rolling his arms in his restricting dress.

"Oh yeah, I'll be ready. Actually, we should probably at least shave your legs, tights won't go with that dress," Eli said, somehow already halfway through his face.

"Wouldn't it be easier to wax them, since I'm already all dressed," Hal asked, and immediately regretted it.

"You're right, Emmerich! I have waxing stuff it that bag, get it ready," Eli gave a fake smile, before continuing with his makeup, "I wax myself already, you're the only one who needs it."

Hal cursed softly his head, digging through the bag.

* * *

When they (finally) finished, they really had to leave, like, then. Now.

Mantis didn't seem fazed by Eli, or rather, Ellie, except for a quick glance over. However Dave was having a really hard time focusing on anything other than ~~Hal~~ Hannah.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so like, I suddenly lost inspiration for this really fast, and I don't wanna just keep it as a draft. So, I'm gonna post it now. Maybe I'll finish it, who knows?


End file.
